Remembering Loved Ones

The past couple of months have marked the anniversaries of several loved ones that have gone to be with the Lord. A sweet baby boy that I only knew through the stories his mom told on her blog. Oh how I wish I could have known him in person. As a mom, my heart breaks for the grief she's going through. I wish I could see her and give her a big ole hug and kiss to show my love for her and her sweet family. A hug and a kiss can go a long way to comforting a hurting heart. We pray for our family members that live so far away - pray that the Lord sends them comfort and peace.

My thoughts have turned to my precious mother-in-law and the loss of hearing stories about Randy when he was a little boy. The stories of how much she loved him and Jodi and how different they were. Stories only a mom could remember. My heart hurts because my sweet little boys will not get to know her and hear her words of wisdom in dealing with the ladies. She raised Randy to love and respect women. She raised him to put others before himself and to give generously and to love unconditionally. I thank God for her every day because she blessed me in the way she raised her son, my wonderful husband. My heart hurts for Randy because he and his mom were so close. They were 2 peas in a pod. Both artistic and tender-hearted, quiet but full of wisdom and grace. Mary Jane was such a free spirit. She loved life and experiencing new things. She loved to send special gifts on birthdays or just because. She had a way of reading people and knowing what they would like. Randy got this trait from her and for that I am greatful because it has helped me to not be so anal and "go with the flow". Old habits die hard, but I'm trying. Hey, he's gotten me to eat Chinese food!

The most recent loss was that of my mom. It's hard to believe she's been gone a year. Life does go on and we learn to deal with our grief, but it's never an easy task. I missed Mom calling me on my bday this year and singing off key to me. She would do it just to get a laugh. It's hard when you don't have anyone to call when your boys are sick and you don't have a clue what to do. It's hard when you're so tired and stressed and in pain and nobody understands. Mom always did and she would always pray with me and tell me "everthing will be alright, baby. God is in control." I wish I had a recording of her voice saying those words to me so I could just push play when I'm feeling tired and stressed. I wish I could just curl up next to her and have her sing to me and play with my hair like she used to when I was little. Grief is a funny thing. It can reduce you to a puddle of tears one moment and the next, you'll be laughing uncontrollably at some silly memory. My boys didn't get to spend near enough time with her and it hurts that they won't have more memories of her.

She won't get to see her son off to serve his country. She was so proud of Stephen's choice to join the Texas Army National Guard. She was so proud of all of us. When we hurt, she hurt. What's that old saying, "you're only as happy as your saddest child." She celebrated our successes and always wanted more for us than she had - that's what moms do.

"They" say time heals all wounds. I don't think time will heal the hurt of losing a loved one, it might lessen as time goes by, but it will never be completely healed. There are so many firsts and special occasions that will not be shared with them. That is the hurt I feel for my boys. They've lost both of their grandmothers. Grandma's are supposed to be the ones to spoil them when mom and dad are not around and bake cookies with them and make special gifts for them and a whole host of other "special" things. I don't wish for them to be back in this world for me because I know they are in a much better place. But, oh how I long for my boys to be able to have these special memories with their grandmas. Kids need their grandparents around to tell them stories of yester-year and to teach them the Word (along w/their parents) and to share their wisdom and insight into the world we live in. I remember my dad's mom teaching me how to make her "special" fried chicken. We didn't get to see my dad's parents often, but when we did, it meant the world to me. I loved hearing her say, "I'm so glad to see you, baby doll. Granny's got your favorite dinner cooking." She said it to all of us, but it made each of us feel special all the same. I loved her hugs and watching her go through her nightly routine. She always cleaned her face with Ponds cold creme. I love that smell.

It's truly amazing the things you remember when loved ones have gone. I wonder what my boys will remember about Nana and Grandma?

My prayer is that we all remember that life is short. Outside our relationship with God, family is the most important thing. The one thing that has pierced my heart since losing our loved ones, is that you cannot replace a loved one once they're gone so spend all the time you can with those you have left. The only guilt I feel is that we let lack of money keep us from visiting our loved ones more often. We lost out on special memories not only for us, but for our boys.

May the comfort and peace that passes all understanding be with you and your loved ones. May God bless you richly with family and friends that love you unconditionally. May your home be a destination and not a stop along the way. Be intentional in all your relationships. Share Jesus. Share Love. Share Yourself.